How to Overcome Your Fear of Change
By Susi White
Often the reason that people come to me for coaching is that they're stuck, and they don't know how to get moving again. Behind this, nine times out of ten (at least), is a fear of change, or the unknown. We're all familiar with the hackneyed phrase 'getting out of your comfort zone' and think it's a bit of a cliche, but that's probably because it's true - most people I see who are stuck are simply afraid of moving out of their current situation, their 'comfort zone'. They may dislike or even hate it, it may even be making them ill, but because it's known and predictable, it's somehow preferable to change, and the unknown.
Having said that I've seen a lot of change around me in the last month, among my friends, family and clients. Some have voluntarily created changes in their lives, others have had change thrust upon them. All of them have found dealing with their fear of the unknown, or being in a place outside the comfort zone a little difficult at times - even the ones who've chosen to make wonderful, exciting, dream-fulfilling changes!
One friend had been in the same job for years, and was headhunted to a role so much better (better pay, better office, nicer people, bigger perks) that his girlfriend said "It's like that Carlsberg advert - if Carlsberg did jobs, this would be it, it's probably the best job in the world!" Even so, he found it uncomfortable uprooting from the office, the people, and the familiarity of his old job. Which is, of course, absolutely normal. It's part of the deal.
Dealing with the discomfort of change, of finding yourself in unfamiliar territory, is a given when it comes to change - whatever the change may be and however amazing the opportunity coming your way is. The important thing to remember is that the fear or discomfort is normal, it's not a reason NOT to make a change, and it, like all things, will pass, as the new territory becomes familiar with time. It just takes a bit of courage, that's all, and we all have that within ourselves.
When you think about it, change is our ally.
Without change we'd still be living with our parents (with no independence), working in the jobs we got on leaving school (for a rubbish salary), in our first relationships (which you'd probably have outgrown) and still sporting our childhood haircuts and clothes (and if like me you grew up in the 70s and 80s, that's a truly horrifying thought, as anyone who ever saw my disastrous poodle-perms will tell you).
Change is what happens as we learn and grow; without it we stop learning, stop growing, stop evolving. When you stop doing all of those things, you stagnate and die.
A vital part of achieving our goals - getting the job, house, car, lifestyle, and relationship of our dreams - is recognising that getting there, from here, will involve change. Once you appreciate that change, and all that that entails, is an integral part of the process of getting where you want to be, and that it won't kill you, it'll just need you to be a bit brave, you can embrace it. When you embrace change, you're no longer afraid of it, and when you're not afraid of change, you are FREE!
Once your fear of the unknown, that integral part of change, is overcome, and put into context, you are truly free because you know that whenever you find yourself in a situation you don't like, you can change it! That's the magic of our lives - at any point, you can change your life, choose again, do something different.
A client of mine recently plucked up the courage to resign from a job that she'd been in for years, and had hated so much that it was making her physically ill. When I saw her the following week she was, literally, a 'changed woman'. She looked younger, happier, healthier and more relaxed than I'd ever seen her; it was truly a wonderful thing to behold. She told me that one of the best things about having made the decision to change, and taken the necessary action, was, she said: "that it didn't hurt as much as I'd feared, and now I know that whatever happens, I can always do it again, and it'll be easier each time I do it. I'm not afraid of change any more."
Human beings are extraordinarily adaptable creatures. We thrive on change and challenge, on solving problems and evolving to meet changing needs. When change becomes your ally instead of something to fear, you set yourself free of restrictions, and the whole world opens up before you, with endless possibilities and opportunities just waiting for you to take your pick.
That other hackneyed phrase 'feel the fear and do it anyway' is actually an extraordinarily useful piece of advice when it comes to dealing with change, and fear of the unknown. Yes, making changes may feel a bit strange, a bit awkward, a bit lonely or difficult at times, but that's no reason not to make the change! Find your courage, remember why you want to make the change and what benefits you're going to get from doing so, and go ahead and do it! Soon, as your new territory becomes familiar, you'll feel comfortable in your surroundings and able to enjoy the benefits of your wonderful new situation.
Consider this:
* Where does fear of change / the unknown hold you back?
* Where are you stuck / stagnating?
* What situations are you in, despite you having outgrown them or no longer enjoying them, simply because they're 'known' and familiar?
* Is it really better the devil you know? The other 'Devil' could turn out to be an angel in disguise.....
Try this:
If you want to make changes in your life but have been too scared to do it, give this a go:
* Try little changes first - your hairstyle, your eye make up, the direction your bed faces, the way you travel to work - and see the positive side of change: discovering new things you love! (You'll probably hear yourself saying "I wish I'd done this years ago!")
* Talk to someone who's been through a big change recently. Was it as difficult as they'd feared? How did they cope with it? How do they feel now?
* Think back to a time when you had to go through a big change - say, changing jobs or going away to university. How long did the awkward 'new' feeling last? A week? A month? Aren't you glad you were brave, and stuck with it?
* Answer this question - if you knew for sure that making the change you want to make would a) be easy and b) work out perfectly, what would you be free to do?
* Remember that the uncomfortable bit of making changes to your life is part of the process, and this too will pass once you get used to your new situation. If after you've given it a fair crack at the whip you REALLY don't like the new situation, change it! Choose again! Try something different! You're FREE!
Susi White
The White Havens: Helping you Life A Richer Life!
Susi White is a Life Coach, Reiki Master, Holistic Therapist and Writer.
She specialises in coaching women to enjoy lives of ultimate health, wealth and happiness, both by telephone and at her practice in North Essex.
If you're ready to live a richer life, contact Susi today!
Visit www.thewhitehavens.co.uk
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