Do You Know How To... Self-Nurture?
By Hu Dalconzo
To learn how to fulfill your emotional needs necessitate that you study how to Self-parent yourself. Self-parenting is… heart work. The primary objectives of the Self-parenting exercises are to help you fulfill your emotional dependency needs that were not met during your childhood. Emotional dependency needs are the intimacy, nurturing, unconditional love and boundary protection that a person needs in order to feel safe, sane, and secure in the world.
Consciously fulfilling your emotional dependency needs will allow you to function in the world as an emotionally mature, highly functional adult. The Self-parenting exercises take the concept of Self-nurturing from an abstract, hard to understand theoretical concept and breaks it down piece by piece into a step by step, easy to understand, specific set of emotionallySelf-nurturing exercises.
Self-parenting exercises are a fast, safe way for you to surface and heal your repressed feelings. They can help you to rewire your internal programming with new, healthy, healing feelings. You can prove it to yourself that the Self-parenting visualization exercises work by closing your eyes and imagining that you are chewing on a lemon. What you’ll notice is that you’ll start to salivate. WHY? Because your mind can’t tell the difference between a real and an imagined lemon. Therefore, when you do your Self-parenting exercises your mind won’t be able to tell the difference between your real childhood experiences and Self-parented (imagined) visualizations.
Three things are striking about Self-Parenting exercises: (1) The speed with which you will feel better (2) the depth of your emotional healing (3) how fast you reawaken your Self-mastery powersto see, feel and heal so that you can take responsibility to Self-parent yourself.
Fulfilling your emotional dependency needs is a Self-parenting educational process designed to teach you how to; be emotionally intimate with yourself and others; unconditionally love and accept yourself and others, Self-nurture yourself and others, and how to maturely protect your boundaries so that you will feel safe and secure in the world.
I’m often asked the question, “What’s the difference between Inner Child work and Self-parenting work?” Inner child work is to Self-parenting what arithmetic is to algebra. Self-parenting takes inner child work and integrates it with clinically proven, spiritually based exercises that break down Self-nurturing into a step by step, specific set of emotionally intimate Self-parenting exercises that will fulfill your emotional dependency needs that were not met when you were a child.
I want you to clearly understand what this term Inner Child means. It is your childlike memories and programs that are emotionally anchored to a time when you only had the power, knowledge, and physical strength of a small child. Your inner child needs to learn to trust the “adult you” because you have adult powers now that he/she didn’t have. You need to make your inner child feel safe and secure by committing to practice these Self-parenting exercises until you do feel safe and secure in the world.
When you feel emotionally safe you will willingly reconnect with your repressed feelings, memories and emotions that are still frozen behind ego defenses that you needed when you were a child. When you were a child you needed your childlike defenses to feel safe, but they are no longer necessary because you are now an adult who is learning how to parent yourself.
I will leave you with a poem I co-wrote with Ji~ (Jane Christ) entitled, Self-parenting.
As a Self-parented adult… If I don’t learn how to fulfill my emotional dependency needs, then I’ll never feel safe, sane, and secure in the world; For I'll always have to look to others to tell me who I am. If I don’t expect emotional intimacy, I am saying that…“I’m Ok with you being emotionally distant from me,” and I’ll distance myself for fear of rejection. If I don’t demonstrate unconditional love for my Self, I am showing people that “I’m not worthy of receiving love, nor your benefit of the doubt.” If I don’t demand respect, I’ll give people permission to treat me disrespectfully; for I teach people how to treat me by the way I treat myself. If I don’t use my adult powers, I’ll fall prey to my own “child-like” ego defenses; and the walls I build will keep out the love I seek. If I don’t maturely defend my boundaries with my adult powers, then people will “trespass” me just like they did when I was a powerless child! If I don’t give my Self permission to be myself, then people will “mold me” into who they want me to be, taking me further away from the light of my real Self and closer to the darkness of my “persona” (mask). If I don’t learn to validate and release my feelings, then my feelings will create dis-ease within me;for a dis-ease is a perfect creation; a negative feeling made manifest. If I beat my Self up when I “act out” with “less than perfect” behavior, then I am affirming that, “I am my behavior” and not a child of God. If I’m not willing to practice my Self-parenting skills until they become a part of my consciousness, then when life “tests” me I’ll attempt to protect my Self using immature, childlike, ego-based methods. If I don’t “respond with ability” to make my life emotionally, sexually, and physically Safe, Sane, and Secure, then I’ll live a life of “quiet desperation,” comfortable in my “uncomfortable-ness” and fearful of life’s opportunities, unable to fulfill my divine birthright, a life worthy of a child of God!
Namaste, my soul friends….. Hu Dalconzo
This article was posted by Hu Dalconzo