Diary of a Sensitive - A Sharing

By Kimberley Jones

Dreams & Thresholds
I have really intense dreams. My regular dreams are what I have come to realise most people might call nightmares. Some nights are more intense than others, it seems to depend on so many things.

Recently I have been having lots of graphic dreams about death. This isn't unusual for me as I go through regular periods of renewal & change in myself & my life so am constantly challenged to let go of an old part of myself or my world. Growth is exhausting to be honest!

These dreams rarely frighten me anymore but I am coming to realise that they require more of my attention. Sometimes in these dreams I just 'know' that I am processing another person's death moment & helping them to cross over.

This is something I have found myself doing more directly at the bedside of loved ones. Four of them now. Sitting with them & surrounding them with love to help them cross over gracefully.

It is an extraordinary moment of human sadness mixed with an ecstatic bliss as I feel their spirit soar free. There are few moments when I feel as on purpose & alive as when I am guiding someone through their final moments of physical life. Thinking about it rationally it isn't a role I would have consciously chosen for myself at all but it keeps finding me.

Similarly I seem to find myself playing the role of birthing partner to friends as they bring new life into the world. How blessed I am. Guiding life into & out of physical form. I've always felt I was standing astride some kind of threshold. Perhaps I am.

Babies & Bodies
I have a new baby niece. She is 7 months old & beautiful. She was here visiting me until about an hour ago. I look into her eyes & all I can sense is trust & wonder. It is a tonic to be around her as she rests so naturally in the moment, feeling all there is to feel, moving as she needs to move, making sounds as she needs to in order to vent & express.

She is not concerned about how she looks, sounds or comes across to others. She is not analysing everything, she is just being.

I find myself wanting to be fitter & stronger in my body so I can keep up with her as she grows.

As a very sensitive child myself I realise I spent most of the time out of my body trying to escape what felt like a very harsh world. I saw spirit friends as a child & would happily chat away to them or spend hours drawing.
As an adult this meant I had a disconnection from my body & expected it to keep up with what my will would have me do. This eventually led to illness & a period of disability. This is what led me to slowly reconnect with my body, to listen to it & to respect it. It was a harsh lesson but necessary for me to really take notice.
I'm still learning.

So this morning I led myself lovingly into a new 'get fit' routine. Exercise is a full-on experience for me as I feel everything that is going on inside my body rather intensely. So as I sit here I can feel a tremble in my muscles as energy is buzzing through my system, I feel slightly nauseous but all in all quite good. I recognise the feelings & am comfortable with them. This journey of arriving fully into my body & accepting that I am here on earth has been a rocky one but I am getting there.

New Moon & Movie
With the new moon recently I was aware of irritation & unspoken words rattling around in my head. I could feel my system was trying to restore itself to love & in order to do so it was spitting out all the things I wish I'd said to people. You know those things you wish you'd said in the moment to restore your self-esteem but which just didn't spring to mind until later on, when they then spin around in your mind for hours!

Doing a bit of physical exercise & deep breathing feels like it has shifted it though. What a relief.

Aside from delicious cuddles with my niece & an enthusiastic start to my new exercise routine I have been in my office all day writing. I have just sent off another article for 'Breathing Space Magazine' called: 'Your Sensitivity Is Your Strength' which will appear in May's edition. Once I finish writing this I am off to have my tea & an evening watching a movie.

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I hope you enjoyed this article?

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Blessings,

Kimberley Jones

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