By Carl Munson
Where would a health writer be without an occasional acknowledgement of that great and ultimate taboo - death?
It was forced on to the agenda for me this week as I was faced with the decision to put my dog down or as I would rather see it – sending her on to the next level. To me, “putting down” seems such an unpleasant choice of words, especially when dealing with man’s best friend, or any well-loved pet, and a misleading description too, as I was to discover.
Despite the apparent fact that all living things must eventually die, we seem woefully unprepared for what is a natural and integral part of life. We have a “poverty of understanding” as spiritual teacher Barry Long put it, before he faced his natural and integral end. Thankfully his ideas are well documented and were of great comfort and support in the last few days. (See www.barrylong.org)
I have always been drawn to the idea that "death is only a dead body” as Barry put it whilst he was still around in the physical. But, like all theories and ideas, I was faced with putting it to the test as I committed my dear old friend to her last adventure.
The process was humane and the veterinary staff very kind to my dog and me. As the last breath and signs of energy left her body, I was hit by grief, but held – as best I could – to Barry’s teaching, which blessed me with the idea that love never dies, even when the body does.
I was allowed to be with my dog’s old and thoroughly worn out body and could see for myself that death was indeed “only a dead body”. Now, as much as this may seem like a rationalisation or even denial, by holding to the love and not the loss, I can say in my own experience that death is bearable and has meaning.
Like most people, I am not used to death. As a society, in our fear and ignorance, I’d say we hide this inevitability from ourselves, creating the potential for huge grief and trauma when it finally – and shockingly – rears its ugly head.
So what’s the alternative when it comes death? And what could be death’s higher purpose?
Firstly, let’s be open about the fact that death is, evidently, a certain and inescapable truth.
Secondly, let’s get free or at least freer, from our “global neurosis” as Barry Long calls it when it comes to death. It’s going to happen. If we begin to talk about it and understand a higher value beyond the loss and grief – we can make it more bearable when it does come for us or those we love. In our full acknowledgement of death - before it comes - we can love the living much better and more fully, right now.
I have found – as trivial as it may sound, given that mine was a pet and not person bereavement (though I think the principle remains true) – that death can help us see that only love exists. Whilst bodies come and go, love never needs to die.
Though I sobbed with immediate grief and shock for a while, as my dog shuffled off her ‘mortal coil’ before my eyes, within hours I was able to feel her presence in the breeze on my face and connect with my love for her as I glimpsed a glorious little rainbow that seemed to unite this world of life and death with the eternal heavens, later that day.
My lovely Olive wasn't "put down"; she was freed. I was upset; but all was not lost.
Staying with the love and feeling love inside me, as I’m doing right now as I write, I am able to overcome my loss and know that my love never dies, even if all bodies must.