By Sally Lever
In part one of this article, we considered the symptoms of stressful thinking and how that affects us. Using two examples of stressful thinking – “I don’t have enough time” and “I’m not motivated,” I introduced you to a simple strategy for de-stressing such limiting thoughts. In part two, we’ll look at two more examples of stressful thoughts and how to turn them around to ways of thinking that are much more helpful for a sustainable life.
Stressful Thought Number 3: “I’m too scared”.
Actually, this one encompasses all sorts of smaller stressful thoughts to do with our competence, how others see us and the stories we tell ourselves about “what might happen if…” Some say that the word FEAR is an acronym for Fantasy Expressed As Reality because if you think back through all the fearful thoughts you’ve been having, you’ll probably realise that most of them never ever came true!
Let’s find a positive alternative. How about “I have the courage to handle this”?
And, if you don’t believe that already, what needs to change for you to believe it?
There are many ways to handle specific fears – some through therapeutic or physical intervention. My favourite way, though, is very simple. Introduce a lot more love into your life. Love is an antidote to fear and the place to begin is with yourself! If this all sounds too namby-pamby for a hardened downshifter, just humour me for a moment and give it a try. How about taking some time off to look after yourself, improve your comfort levels, treat yourself to an aromatherapy massage, a hot bath, or a relaxing night out with friends.
Another anti-dote to fear is action. After taking some steps towards some serious self care, you will be ready to face your fears head on and watch them dissipate. If they don’t dissipate of their own accord, perhaps you need further information to convince you whether your fear really is something worth paying attention to. In that case, try re-directing your worry energy towards researching the information you need. Another way you can take action and practice handling fears is by exercising your courage muscles. How about deciding that you will do one small scary thing every day – just to push your boundaries a little at a time and to convince yourself that you can handle fear without it becoming a persistently stressful thought.
Stressful Thought Number 4: “I’m not good enough.”
We can create a positive alternative for this one that says something like:
“I’ve got exactly what it takes” or “This isn’t right for me.”
What needs to change for you to believe either of these and to know which one is more appropriate for you? You can probably sense that answering that question takes a great deal of honesty. Honesty firstly about your strengths and also what it is you really want to do. Suppose your boss offers you promotion at work and this stressful thought is triggered in you. You might find out whether the job is right for you by asking yourself “If I knew that I definitely did have what it takes, would I still want it?” To believe the positive alternatives, know and use your strengths, enjoy yourself and delegate the rest!
Hidden Gifts
There’s some very good news that underpins all of this talk of stressful thinking. Encoded within your stressful thinking, there is usually at least one hidden gift - an encouraging thought which you can use to de-stress your life:
“I don’t have enough time” might be telling you to pay attention to prioritising what’s important to you.
“I can’t be bothered” might be letting you know that your inspiration is in need of nourishment.
“I’m too scared” might be pointing the way for you to prioritise self-care.
“I’m not good enough” could be a call (or permission) for your honesty and authenticity to take centre stage for a while.
Conclusion
Here’s a summary of the strategy for de-stressing your thinking: